You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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