Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
