I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
