I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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