Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
