Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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