Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
