on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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