I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well you can't waste a boner
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
