It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
