I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
