I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
