Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
