Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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