HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I love you. Go after that dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
