i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
