one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
