Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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