i jhust puked up my retainher.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
