I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
is it fun? or sober?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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