I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
