Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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