Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
