I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
