I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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