I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
