Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
