Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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