bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
