there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
