woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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