so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
