She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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