I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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