Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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