I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
