Define "chronic" masturbator.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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