Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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