nut hugger
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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