Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
