man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
