It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
