Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
