plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
