We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
