Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
