she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
