DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I could make wine with my vomit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
