I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
