Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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