I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
