I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
