You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
