I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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