her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
