The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
