I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
