Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize