I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
