Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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