I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
