Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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