Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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