Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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